Recent email messages: Increase your penis size by 1 . . . 2 . . . 3 inches or more in just a few short weeks!
Former Canadian Viagra online pharmacist 
has now created a revolutionary herbal pill that is guaranteed to increase your penis size by 1 inch . . . 2 inches . . . 3 inches . . . or more in just a few short weeks!
This amazing new product works by simply taking two pills every day. . . it will make your penis grow in both length and thickness by a whopping 25 per cent, guaranteed!
In a few years, we will have a lot of people running around with huge breasts and long dicks who won’t remember what to do with them.
2.52 p.m. Police were called to the scene of a six-foot snow sculpture in the shape of a male sexual organ . . . (Amherst, MA police blotter).
There is a myth around that bigger is better in regard to penises. This is analogous to ‘blondes have more fun’ or ‘you can never be too thin or too rich’. In all cases, this refers to success, especially in the bedroom. Bigger equates with more powerful, more forceful, more masculine and being better in the sack. But this, we believe, is a ‘phallusy’.
A quick surf of the internet will demonstrate the hidden (or not so hidden) desire of many men to have a larger penis. Literally thousands of results come up (forgive us!) when you type ‘penis’ into your search bar, and more than 99 per cent of these are advertisements similar to the one quoted above.
The average size of the erect penis, according to numerous independent investigators, is about 14 centimetres and this varies much less than the size of flaccid penises. (No, in case you’re wondering, it is not predicted by the size of a man’s nose or feet or any other obvious clues.) In contrast, the penis of a gorilla is only 5 centimetres long. At the other extremes are the penises of pigs, which are 45 centimetres long, and those of humpback whales, coming in at 3 metres! Despite wide interest in ‘12-inch (30-centimetre) clubs’, the longest recorded human penis actually comes in at a little longer, 33 centimetres (no, we’re not telling you who or where).
Our research has shown that interest in size occurs in many parts of the globe, from Japan to the Caribbean. In the town of Komaki, Central Japan, an ancient Shinto fertility rite is conducted regularly in which a 2-metre-high wooden phallus is paraded through town, while women hold mini-models of the symbol and stroke and kiss the big tickler for good luck. In the West Indies, crick-eter Joel Garner, who stood 215 centimetres (7 feet) plus in his socks, was once asked by a cheeky reporter if the size of his old fellow was in proportion to his height. ‘No man,’ was the response. ‘If dat was the case I’d be 16 feet tall.’ And so it goes . . .
In the Middle Ages in Europe, men of fashion wore long pointed shoes to try to indicate to the ladies that they were especially well-endowed beneath their codpieces. Church and state authorities tried in vain to forbid the wearing of these early winkle-pickers. Some men emphasised the message by wearing bells on their toes. A few guys who had tickets on themselves had shoes so long the toes were tied to the owners’ belts, so they could walk. Whether shaft length actually matched shoe length is not recorded . . .